Knock knock knock.
I answered the door to find a Fed Ex man with a large box. “Delivery for Patricia Betts,” he said, and thrust a clipboard into my hands. “Please sign.”
After he left, I looked at the box in puzzlement. I didn’t remember ordering anything! Giving the box a careful inspection, I noticed there was an envelope attached to the outside, addressed to me. The letter read:
Dearest Patricia,
I saw your post on facebook about being frustrated with all the work you had to do. So I’m sending you a little something to help out. You can only use this gift for a week. Enjoy!
A helpful friend
I answered the door to find a Fed Ex man with a large box. “Delivery for Patricia Betts,” he said, and thrust a clipboard into my hands. “Please sign.”
After he left, I looked at the box in puzzlement. I didn’t remember ordering anything! Giving the box a careful inspection, I noticed there was an envelope attached to the outside, addressed to me. The letter read:
Dearest Patricia,
I saw your post on facebook about being frustrated with all the work you had to do. So I’m sending you a little something to help out. You can only use this gift for a week. Enjoy!
A helpful friend
I reached out to open the box, but stopped when it shook.
There was something ALIVE in there! Before I could react, the box burst open
and six minions jumped out.
They were bright yellow, with blue suspenders and goggles. They giggled in high-pitched voices, which attracted Trouble. He came racing around the corner and then skidded to a stop at the sight of the little yellow creatures. His tail came down and tucked between his legs, and he whined.
“Ooooo” the minions cooed. A stream of gibberish rose from the cluster of minions, and they swarmed the poor dog. At first I thought they were going to hurt him, and I jumped up to stop them – but then I realized that Trouble no longer seemed afraid. He was wagging his tail and grinning his doggy smile as the minions swarmed over him, scratching behind his ears and under his chin. He rolled over and let the minions scratch his belly.
They were bright yellow, with blue suspenders and goggles. They giggled in high-pitched voices, which attracted Trouble. He came racing around the corner and then skidded to a stop at the sight of the little yellow creatures. His tail came down and tucked between his legs, and he whined.
“Ooooo” the minions cooed. A stream of gibberish rose from the cluster of minions, and they swarmed the poor dog. At first I thought they were going to hurt him, and I jumped up to stop them – but then I realized that Trouble no longer seemed afraid. He was wagging his tail and grinning his doggy smile as the minions swarmed over him, scratching behind his ears and under his chin. He rolled over and let the minions scratch his belly.
“Okay, okay, very cute. But you guys need to get off him
now. It’s time for his walk.” One of the minions jumped up. He raced to the
door, pulled Trouble’s harness down, and tossed it to two of his fellows. They
strapped him into it while the first minion retrieved the leash. And just like
that, Trouble was out the door, with one minion holding the leash while the two
others rode on his back like he was a pony.
“Wow, um…okay. I guess you guys are here to help me. I do have some chores that need doing. I’m supposed to go to the store and get fruits and veggies, and then I’m supposed to wash the dishes and make some bread. Can you guys help with that?”
They nodded enthusiastically. I gave the biggest minion some money and set him out to the store to buy produce. The short minion pulled up a chair and started washing the dishes. I told the last minion the ingredients needed to make the bread, and he started enthusiastically throwing everything into the mixing bowl.
I checked back with the minion doing the dishes. He was licking all the dishes before throwing them in the soapy water. I winced, but decided to let it slide. After all, the soap would kill any germs – right?
Once the bread was rising and the dishes were washed, I set the minions to doing the chores my younger children usually do. If all the chores got done before the kids came home, then we would be able to spend the evening playing instead of working. That sounded like a lot of fun!
It was time to punch down the dough. The minions washed their feet and then started jumping up and down on the dough while singing in their high gibberish language. The minions who had taken Trouble for a walk came back, and it was clear they had worn him out completely. He barely had the energy to give each of them a thank-you lick before collapsing for a long nap.
The last minion came back from the grocery store looking very excited, with several brown grocery bags. He was practically vibrating with happiness.
“Wow, um…okay. I guess you guys are here to help me. I do have some chores that need doing. I’m supposed to go to the store and get fruits and veggies, and then I’m supposed to wash the dishes and make some bread. Can you guys help with that?”
They nodded enthusiastically. I gave the biggest minion some money and set him out to the store to buy produce. The short minion pulled up a chair and started washing the dishes. I told the last minion the ingredients needed to make the bread, and he started enthusiastically throwing everything into the mixing bowl.
I checked back with the minion doing the dishes. He was licking all the dishes before throwing them in the soapy water. I winced, but decided to let it slide. After all, the soap would kill any germs – right?
Once the bread was rising and the dishes were washed, I set the minions to doing the chores my younger children usually do. If all the chores got done before the kids came home, then we would be able to spend the evening playing instead of working. That sounded like a lot of fun!
It was time to punch down the dough. The minions washed their feet and then started jumping up and down on the dough while singing in their high gibberish language. The minions who had taken Trouble for a walk came back, and it was clear they had worn him out completely. He barely had the energy to give each of them a thank-you lick before collapsing for a long nap.
The last minion came back from the grocery store looking very excited, with several brown grocery bags. He was practically vibrating with happiness.
“Bananas!” He cried, and next thing I knew all six minions
swarmed the bag. Happy noises came from the pile of minions, and banana peels flew
in all directions. Within seconds, the bananas were gone.
“Is that all you bought? Bananas? You bought twenty dollars
worth of bananas?!” I asked, astounded.
The minion who had done the shopping
grinned up at me. “Banana!” he gloated, then groaned and held his distended
belly. In fact, all six minions looked as if they had swallowed a
watermelon whole. But they looked very happy. “Okay, guys – I guess you earned
that. You guys did good work. But I want you to clean up those banana peels
before you rest.”
It was fun to watch them picking up their mess. Their stomachs were so round that they couldn’t stand up, so they rolled back and forth, picking up the peels and rolling to the garbage can to throw them away. Then they rolled into my bedroom and piled up together in a great big pile. Soon the sound of their snoring could be heard through the door.
I could tell this was going to be a week to remember!
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