Building a garden trellis

Sundays are usually the days when I putter around with my plants. Today was the first Sunday that was actually clear and warm enough to consider digging up the garden plot and creating the trellis I need to support my pea vines.

So I started out by outlining the patch of ground I wanted dug up by my freakishly tall teen (no, I'm not insulting him - he likes it when I call him that).

You can barely see the outline, but it's there.

I didn't want the boy kid working too hard, so I decided on a modestly small 4x10 plot. He got to work with gusto and very quickly had it done. In the meantime, I started working on two 5x4 trellises for the peas.

Finally, after hours of work, I was able to put the trellis in place and begin transplanting my eager little sweet pea seedlings.

Of course, I had barely gotten all twelve of the seedlings in place when Jacob accidentally knocked the wheelbarrow full of dirt over the top of the tiny plants. Most were salvageable, but we lost one plant.

The forecast calls for rain tonight and over the next three days....I think those seedlings are going to be very happy with the damp and shade, and with a nice new trellis to climb up on!

Gryphon Lard-Butt gets a name change

May 5th started out like any normal Monday. Kids rushing around, me attempting to rein herd (and only being partially successful). Trouble laying his head on everyone's knees, hoping for a handout, and cats trying to pretend they aren't interested in the milk in the cereal bowls (and not fooling anyone). The worst is Gryphon Lard-Butt, who is a very large cat in his own right, but is also overweight. He tends to sneak any food he can get his grubby little paws on.

I was in the bedroom putting away laundry when I heard a loud crash from the kitchen. Gryphon Lard-Butt came racing out of the kitchen, eyes wide and fur sticking out in every direction, moving faster than I have seen in years.

Turns out our resident tubby kitty had hopped up on the table, hoping for a couple drops of milk, and instead, his weight had caused the table leg to collapse!

This was actually the second leg on this table to collapse. The leg behind it had broken a year ago, and was held in place with layers of duct tape. That damage, along with the second broken leg, was too much, and the table was irreparable.

This left us in a bit of a pickle, but not as much as we would have been in normally. Sean had just gotten paid a few days before, and he'd pulled an extra shift and a half during that pay period. So we did have a little extra money on hand. We had been planning on putting the extra money towards our back-due rent...but clearly we would have to use at least a part of it on a new table.

So we looked around, and almost right away we found a lovely table at the thrift store. Solid wood construction, dark stain, and it came with four matching chairs (which we really didn't need, but it was sold in a set).

 Best of all? The price. It was only $50.

Getting it into our tiny Kia was a bit of a hassle, but Sean got it done in his normal miraculous fashion. We had barely gotten it home and set up when Gryphon Lard-Butt decided to check it out.

"Hmm....I wonder how many drops of milk I would have to sneak in order to collapse this table?"

On the way home with the table, Sean had cracked a joke that we should change Gryphon's name to commemorate his momentous achievement.

So congratulations, Gryphon Lard-Butt - you are hearby dubbed Sir Gryphon the Table Slayer. If you kill my new table, I'm gonna force you to eat diet kibble until you get down to 12 pounds.

Mother's Day

I have been growing seedlings in my living room for the last six weeks. My seeds are old - I haven't been able to afford to buy new ones in years - so the germination percentage is very low. For that reason, I've been re-planting seeds every two weeks, once it became obvious that some of the seeds were not viable.

Cilantro

In addition to the seeds I've planted, my husband was amazing and decided to buy me seedlings for Mother's Day (we celebrated early for personal reasons). The first garden center had a great sale (buy 5 get 1 free!). I chose chives, oregano, rosemary, cilantro, peppermint, and spearmint (though I'm kicking myself for not getting sage). There was also a sale on celery - four seedlings for under $2, so I snatched them up.

Spearmint

A second store had a good deal on a blueberry bush, and a pack of 55 gladiola bulbs for ten dollars. I also grabbed a few low-priced pots and two more bags of soil, and that was it for my shopping spree.

Rosemary to the left, oregano on the right - empty pot as a placeholder for future sage.

Or so I thought.

The next day, my husband called me from the grocery store and said "They have fruit trees here for ten bucks. You can have one if you want." He ended up buying me two - a Granny Smith apple tree and a Stayman Winesap apple tree.

James and the Granny Smith on the left,
Jacob and the Winesap on the right.

I did some research and discovered that both trees do really well when paired with Golden Delicious as a co-pollinator, so I'm on the prowl for a third apple tree.

I'm truly excited - my little homestead is gaining ground!

Maple and brown sugar oatmeal

I've discovered that oatmeal made in the rice cooker is simple and incredibly flavorful, with a wonderful old-fashioned texture. I keep losing the recipes I've jotted down on index cards, so I'm putting them here so I can find them easily. The first one is maple and brown sugar oatmeal.

• 2 cups old-fashioned oats 
• 4 cups of water
• 1/4 cup pure maple syrup
• 1/4 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon 

Mix ingredients together in rice cooker and turn it on. It's that simple!

(note: we like our oatmeal very thick around here. If you like yours thinner, you can either add milk to the finished product, or add more water at the beginning. Also, I tend to serve this with sliced bananas on top, and a glass of milk at the side.)

Trouble's big day

Trouble posing with his new collar and rabies tag.

Trouble had to go get his shots this morning. He was a perfect little gentleman, polite to humans, dogs, and cats alike. He stood still to have his blood drawn, and didn't flinch, whine, or bite when he got his injections. The only thing he wasn't happy with was the nose spray - it made him snort and shake his head. But he got a treat after, so he was content.

We also wanted to have a microchip implanted, for identification purposes, but they didn't have all the supplies they needed. So we will be going back soon for that procedure.

On Trouble's old collar, he didn't have any tags - so I had written his name and our phone number on the collar itself with permanent marker. But now that we have a new phone number, not to mention tags with his rabies shot? He clearly needed a new collar. So I sat down this morning and made him one.

He seems pleased with it. And I think that the khaki color makes him look more mature than the old bright red collar.

Introducing Sew Alluring

I first taught myself how to sew by hand years ago, when I was still a child. My mother was not a seamstress, but she was able to tell me the basics, and I was able to figure it out. But I didn't develop much skill beyond a basic seam repair for decades.

But a couple years ago, I realized how valuable those skills could be in a survival/low income situation. I began to google tutorials on basic sewing techniques, and experimented with scrap fabrics. I began patching the worn knees on my son's jeans. The more I practiced, the better I grew.

I began to experiment with making things from scratch. I made some bread bags to hold my homemade bread, a kindle cover for myself, a skirt, and many other things. My results began to look professional.

Then I got a sewing machine, and things changed again. Once I figured out how to work it (watching multiple tutorials online), I began to have fun. I made many things that were incredibly useful.

And now I've hit the point where some people actually want to pay me for my creations. So, with some pride (and a little bit of disbelief), I am pleased to announce the opening of my etsy shop Sew Allure.

So far there is only one item on there - a kindle cover. But keep an eye on it. I will be putting more things up there, and would like to know from my readers what kind of items you would like to see in my shop. Bread bags? Kindle covers? Cloth diapers? Reusable flannel sanitary napkins? Just let me know in the comments. Thanks!

Writing Prompt due 2nd of February 2013

One day, while reading your favorite book on the beach, you notice a boat slowly drifting to shore. It eventually lands near your spot. A person, draped in pirate clothes, yells to you from the boat, “I have a treasure map and I need help. Are you in?”

Words of Wisdom Wednesday

It's just a little bit overwhelming....

 I have a lot of projects to get done. Some were supposed to be done before Christmas, but a combination of time constraints, finances, illness, and broken sewing machine needles all conspired to make things very late. Not to mention the cold snaps that came in that made me have to stop my other projects and work on the quilted window panels to seal out the cold!

It's easy to forget what projects I am working on. Right now I am going to outline the sewing projects in this blog post, more as a list for myself so I don't loose track of my projects than anything else.

First major project is the stuffed alphabet that I am making for my niece and nephew. I just picked up some new fabric today for this project - I'm very behind on it and I'm glad to get more fun fabrics for those kiddos. These fabrics are more feminine, since I already have plenty of male patterned fabrics in this household.

The next project is a kindle cover for my mother-in-law. She came and visited last month and I showed her what fabric I have on hand, and she chose the pattern in the picture. I plan on pairing it with the light blue for the inner part of the cover, and the floral pattern for the outer shell. The scraps left over from this project will go in the basket of scraps being used for the alphabet project.

The next project is another quilted window covering - of sorts. The thrift store we went to didn't have any quilts in patterns I felt I could work with, so I grabbed a cheap comforter that I thought would work. It's a soft cream background, slightly marbled, with squares of blue and blue-gray, with pale gold patterns and outlines. It's pretty, in a mild, non-offensive way, and since my husband likes blue and gray, I figured he wouldn't complain about it much at all.

Other sewing projects I have to get done mainly consist of mending - lots and lots of mending. My boys seem to consider it their holy purpose in life to make mending jobs for me. The sheer number of holes in the knees of jeans is enough to make a woman drop to her knees. Add in my husband's inability to put on a belt without ripping the belt loops off his jeans, and my mending pile is nearly up to my waist.

I also have a large collection of old ratty towels that need to be hemmed in some fashion to make rags. I have no idea yet how to do this.

I need to eventually make a kindle cover for my own self.

The dog needs a coat to wear on those bitter cold days. I have a coat that was gifted to me that is far too small, and it's black, so I need to modify it for the dog's frame. He has practically no fur on his underside, and has been known to tremble with the cold after more than a minute. I'm not going to buy a coat for the dog when I can make one with what I have on hand.

I also want to figure out how to make collars for the cats out of leftover fabric.

Lots to do. I think I need to log off the computer and get started!

The Family Secret

 (as mentioned in an earlier post, I occasionally give the children writing assignments. To make it fair, as well as to showcase what kind of writing I expect out of them, I assign the same writing to myself. Today's writing was simple - if you could turn into any animal, be it a real animal or a fictional, mythical animal, what would you turn into?)

"Why did you throw it up there?"

James hung his head and shuffled his feet. "I thought I could throw it hard enough that it would go over the roof and roll down the other side."

"Then I would catch it!" Jacob grinned, bouncing a bit on his feet. "And I would throw it back over!"

Sigh. Parenting could be so frustrating sometimes. The last thing I wanted to do was borrow a ladder from the neighbor so I could get the damn frisbee off the roof.

Then I remembered. I had a way to get up there without a ladder. I motioned for the boys to follow me into the house. "Can you keep a secret? A really big secret, that you can't tell anyone no matter how badly you want to?"

The boys looked at each other, and nodded. I shut the front door behind them and walked towards my room.

"I have a surprise to show you. It's going to really startle you, but trust me, you won't be in any danger. Our family has a big secret. I haven't told you before because I didn't think you were old enough to understand or to keep it secret from your friends. But you boys are getting old enough now, and I think you will understand, when you see this, why you can't tell anyone. Our family can transform into an animal being. Everyone in the family has a different form. My mother, for example, turns into a fox. My sister turns into a hawk. I turn into something rather large...I don't want to rip my clothes when I change, so I'm going into my room to transform. I need you boys to let me out after because I can't turn the doorknob in my animal form. Do you understand?"

Two pairs of blue eyes stared up at me. "What do you turn into?" Jacob asked.

"I think it will be better if I show you. James, I want you to be the one who opens the door, okay? I'll bump the door with my head when I'm ready."

I shut the door on their excited expressions. Setting my clothing neatly on the bed, I took a deep breath and felt the bones in my body soften, re-molding. Muscles stretched, tendons strained, and my tailbone lengthened as fur began to sprout from my skin.

"What do you think she turns into?"

James rolled his eyes. "Duh, she's just playing with us. She doesn't turn into anything. I bet she's going to bump the door, and when I open it, she's gonna jump out and try to tickles us."

Jacob slumped. "Oh."

THUD. The sound of something large bumping up against the other side of the door echoed strangely down the hallway.

 "Get ready to run - unless, of course, you want to be tickled." James whispered, and opened the door as Jacob took a couple of steps back.

The door opened and I watched, amused, as James took one look at me and backpedaled, falling onto his ass with a startled yelp. For some reason, Jacob was already halfway down the hall, but he stopped when he saw me and stared.

I just stood there. I knew the first sight of my animal form would be a surprise, so I gave them some time to get used to it.

Jacob was the first one to get over the shock. "Awesome!" he crowed, and bounded over James to stand in front of me. "Cool! Do you have claws and everything? Fangs?"

I held out a paw and extended my claws, then raised the paw to my mouth and pulled back my lips. I watched as he examined my teeth, and as James shakily rose to his feet and approached. He hesitantly raised his hand and petted my head. I rewarded his bravery with a loud, rumbling purr, and he chuckled, still a bit unsteady, and asked "What are you?"

Pushing past him, I headed for the back door, pawed at the knob, and looked back at the boys. "You want me to open the door?" James asked. I nodded, and he turned the knob. I bounded into the back yard, enjoying the sun on my back as I strode to the garden. Finding a bare patch of dirt, I smoothed it out and then wrote with a single claw, carefully forming the words.

Black Jaguar

"Cool." the boys breathed in tandem. I flicked my tail and then jumped over them, raced to the garden shed, and in one bound leaped to the roof. From there it was an easy six-foot leap to the roof of the carport. I pranced up the curve of the roof, and eventually found the damn frisbee that had started this whole mess. I hung my head off the edge of the roof and dropped it.

Stupid toy.

Welcoming 2014

2013 ended - for me, at least - with a horrible head and chest cold combo. I barely got anything done other than curled up under a blanket, silently cussing at my immune system to shape up. I remember thinking it was an omen of sorts for the coming year.

But when I woke up this morning, I was feeling better. Not 100%, but certainly on the mend. Life was improving. If that's the omen for this year - improvement - then I am content. I could use improvement.

I have many areas of my life I'd like to improve. So here are my goals for this upcoming year!

Goal #1: Adapting to a working routine. I do much better when I am on a schedule, and I have been working the last two weeks on a schedule that allows me to fit everything into each day a little more smoothly.

Goal #2: Regularly updating this blog. I want to have more of a presence here. (I did try updating the look of the blog earlier today and while I'm liking many of the changes I've made, I have a sneaky suspicion that I messed up on the layout, so if you see anything funky please let me know in the comments!)

Goal #3: Be healthy. I struggle with food addiction - and it doesn't help that I am a really good cook and enjoy eating my own food! Right now my current goal is to lose 35 pounds by the 25th of April, and I intend to do that with healthier eating and picking back up with Zumba.

Goal #4: Expand the garden.

I have a few predictions for this upcoming year as well. I think it will be fun to look back and see how close my predictions come to reality.

Prediction #1: Weird weather patterns will continue, with several more "super storms" devastating large regions (be them snow storms, rain storms, tornadoes, hurricanes, typhoons, what have you).

Prediction #2: The trend towards punishing the poor for being poor in politics will continue. The gap between the poor and the rich will continue to widen.

Prediction #3: Violence in American society was very high last year, and some of that violence hit home pretty hard. I predict that such violence will continue to grow.

Huh. This makes it seem like I don't have a very positive outlook on life. Weird thing is, I feel very positive about my own life - it's society in general I don't feel positive about.

Here is hoping you had a wonderful New Year and that your upcoming months are full of happiness and fulfillment.

I wonder how much I will save now on our heating bills?

In our living room, we have two huge windows. Each window is about three feet wide and six feet tall, and they leak a LOT of air. That is fine in the spring and fall, but in the summer, hot air leaks into the house, and in winter, the cold air comes in.

In winters past, the cold air would come flowing in at such a rate that the heater was constantly running. Even keeping our house at a low 60 degrees would tax our heating system and raise our bill to a couple hundred dollars each month. That is far more than we can afford, and every winter we fall farther and farther behind on our bill. We'd have to play the catch-up game - could we manage to get our tax returns back in time to pay the past due bill before our power and gas would be cut off?

We rent, and our landlord, while awesome in many ways, is also a bit of a negligent home owner. I have a list of things I need him to fix around this house, and the only time he ever does any repairs is right before the township inspects the house - and even then, most of the repairs are temporary ones.

So, this lead to to look at alternate ways of weather-proofing that didn't require repairs or breaking rules the landlord set (example: we aren't allowed to put up plastic over the windows). So I researched and found many suggestions, including the idea of hanging quilted curtains over the windows.

We rarely have any extra money. But in late October I was given $35 to spend as I wished. I managed to buy two quilts, two sweaters, and a flour sifter at a thrift store for $30 of those dollars. The sweaters were modified into mittens and hats. The quilts were modified into window hangings (the blue ones in the picture above are in the living room, the other went on an equally large window in the kitchen).

An unusual day

Knock knock knock.

I answered the door to find a Fed Ex man with a large box. “Delivery for Patricia Betts,” he said, and thrust a clipboard into my hands. “Please sign.”

After he left, I looked at the box in puzzlement. I didn’t remember ordering anything! Giving the box a careful inspection, I noticed there was an envelope attached to the outside, addressed to me. The letter read:

Dearest Patricia,
     I saw your post on facebook about being frustrated with all the work you had to do. So I’m sending you a little something to help out. You can only use this gift for a week. Enjoy!
                                              A helpful friend

I reached out to open the box, but stopped when it shook. There was something ALIVE in there! Before I could react, the box burst open and six minions jumped out.

They were bright yellow, with blue suspenders and goggles. They giggled in high-pitched voices, which attracted Trouble. He came racing around the corner and then skidded to a stop at the sight of the little yellow creatures. His tail came down and tucked between his legs, and he whined.

“Ooooo” the minions cooed. A stream of gibberish rose from the cluster of minions, and they swarmed the poor dog. At first I thought they were going to hurt him, and I jumped up to stop them – but then I realized that Trouble no longer seemed afraid. He was wagging his tail and grinning his doggy smile as the minions swarmed over him, scratching behind his ears and under his chin. He rolled over and let the minions scratch his belly. 

“Okay, okay, very cute. But you guys need to get off him now. It’s time for his walk.” One of the minions jumped up. He raced to the door, pulled Trouble’s harness down, and tossed it to two of his fellows. They strapped him into it while the first minion retrieved the leash. And just like that, Trouble was out the door, with one minion holding the leash while the two others rode on his back like he was a pony.

“Wow, um…okay. I guess you guys are here to help me. I do have some chores that need doing. I’m supposed to go to the store and get fruits and veggies, and then I’m supposed to wash the dishes and make some bread. Can you guys help with that?”

They nodded enthusiastically. I gave the biggest minion some money and set him out to the store to buy produce. The short minion pulled up a chair and started washing the dishes. I told the last minion the ingredients needed to make the bread, and he started enthusiastically throwing everything into the mixing bowl.

I checked back with the minion doing the dishes. He was licking all the dishes before throwing them in the soapy water. I winced, but decided to let it slide. After all, the soap would kill any germs – right?

Once the bread was rising and the dishes were washed, I set the minions to doing the chores my younger children usually do. If all the chores got done before the kids came home, then we would be able to spend the evening playing instead of working. That sounded like a lot of fun!

It was time to punch down the dough. The minions washed their feet and then started jumping up and down on the dough while singing in their high gibberish language. The minions who had taken Trouble for a walk came back, and it was clear they had worn him out completely. He barely had the energy to give each of them a thank-you lick before collapsing for a long nap.

The last minion came back from the grocery store looking very excited, with several brown grocery bags. He was practically vibrating with happiness.

“Bananas!” He cried, and next thing I knew all six minions swarmed the bag. Happy noises came from the pile of minions, and banana peels flew in all directions. Within seconds, the bananas were gone. 

“Is that all you bought? Bananas? You bought twenty dollars worth of bananas?!” I asked, astounded. 

The minion who had done the shopping grinned up at me. “Banana!” he gloated, then groaned and held his distended belly. In fact, all six minions looked as if they had swallowed a watermelon whole. But they looked very happy. “Okay, guys – I guess you earned that. You guys did good work. But I want you to clean up those banana peels before you rest.”

It was fun to watch them picking up their mess. Their stomachs were so round that they couldn’t stand up, so they rolled back and forth, picking up the peels and rolling to the garbage can to throw them away. Then they rolled into my bedroom and piled up together in a great big pile. Soon the sound of their snoring could be heard through the door.

I could tell this was going to be a week to remember!

Writing exercises

During winter break, I'm assigning writing projects for them to work on. I've found some fun writing prompts for them to use, and as an example, I'm going to be writing along with them. The next several posts will be the stories I wrote using the prompts the children have been assigned. Those stories will be intentionally done simplistically, as a child would write, so as to show the kids what I am looking for in their own writing.

I hope my readers enjoy these stories as much as I enjoyed writing them.

Memories

I've struggled this past week with this post. I have so much I want to say, and every time I try to write it out, the words get stuck but the tears start flowing. And what words manage to get past the tears - while accurate and heartfelt - also sounded trite and hollow.

How do I describe Chris? If I had to chose just one word, it would have to be vivacious. She had such a joy for life, and she could be so enthusiastic over the littlest things. I could always count on her for a smile and a pick-me-up whenever I felt down.

At the same time, she struggled so hard. Emotionally, she battled chronic depression. Her personal life - her marriage - was abusive in the extreme, and she fought to find the courage to leave. She fought severe anxiety disorder that made certain things - like filing paperwork - incredibly stressful.

Financially, she had been dealt one of the worst hands in this country of plenty, often feeding her four children with only $50 a week. Yet at the same time, if someone needed help, she was usually the first one there, giving her all to aid others in need.

Physically? When I first met her she had weight issues - I thought she looked fine but she was not comfortable or happy with how she felt and looked. Later, when Chris became a Zumba instructor, she dropped pounds fast and was thrilled with her appearance. She had chronic pain issues, which was a subject we bonded over. And shortly before her death, she discovered she had food allergies. Cutting things like gluten out of her diet gave her a rush of energy and health that she honestly didn't think she'd ever feel again.

As a parent, she was an inspiration. Chris home schooled all of her children, and was active in a local home schooling co-op. I loved reading the stories of how she taught her children, especially when she had groups to teach. She was so creative and made learning fun, not a chore. More than once I wish I had known her when I was a kid, 'cause she would have been a fun adult for me to hang around with! She included her "little demon monkeys" in nearly everything she did, from errands to Zumba, cooking to gardening.

And speaking of her garden - oh boy, could that woman grow a seed or what?! When we first met, she was living in a little trailer on a small lot in a trailer court, and the amount of food she managed to grow on that tiny little speck of land was truly awe-inspiring. Her garden, and how she used that produce to supplement her family's food supply, was so impressive she was even showcased on a news report about the impact of food stamp decreases for dependent families.

She was an advocate for so many things, for so many people. She fought for the right to grow food in the yard, not just for herself but on behalf of others as well. She stood up for those in severe poverty and spent countless posts on her blog sharing ways to support a family with pennies. Every year she made certain to dry extra seeds so she could give them out to families to wanted to garden but couldn't afford the seeds to do so. I still have some of her seeds here and treasure them. Her fight for religious freedom was a quieter battle, but still one she fought with passion.

Chris made me feel lazy...and I mean that literally. I would sit at my computer after having done housework, feeling productive and a little smug, only to find that she had outdistanced me in every way. But she had a way of never making it feel like she was competing - rather, she seemed to be saying "Look, I lead by example - you can do it! Don't give up!"

Earlier this year, she made the decision to leave her abuser. She created a secret group on facebook to get support in her decision and help during the process...it was a good group, and it helped her a lot. We shared so much on that page - horror stories, funny anecdotes, legal advice, words of encouragement, and so much more. And when her abuser used his wiles to get her to take him back, those of us in that group were able to comfort one another and renew our commitment to help her leave when she was ready.

Which she did, a few months later. She admitted she was glad she had gone back in a way, because it eased that nagging little voice in her head that accused her of not trying hard enough to save her marriage. That second time she left, that voice was quieted. The first time she had known in her mind that it wasn't her fault, but the second time she knew it in her heart, and she was at peace with the decision.

She moved on. Those of us who loved her were so glad to see her personality return. She was happy, laughing and celebrating life in ways I hadn't seen in a long time. She posted on her facebook page, "It is wonderful being me. I can look in the mirror and smile at myself everyday and I can enjoy the company when I'm all alone."

She cut her hair. She started wearing make-up again. She splurged on some new clothes and genuinely liked how she looked in them. She even started dating again. Everything that went right just made her joy soar higher, and anything that went wrong was handled with grace.

I am glad that she got to have those last couple months of joy. Nothing makes her loss easier to deal with, but at the same time, knowing she was happy? It makes me happy.

I didn't know her oldest son, Isaac, well. Since I tend to discuss a lot of adult-themed topics on my facebook page, I have a general tendency to not add minors as friends. But I did read posts from Chris about him, and I did see his comments on her page many times. My general impression was that Isaac was a lot like my teenage son, still growing and facing that confusion and angst that all teenagers experience, but at the same time he had a wry sense of humor and a genuinely wicked wit.

The one story that stands out in my mind is when Chris gave him the chore of folding laundry, he asked how she wanted the sham-wows folded. She was distracted and told him "Oh, any which way is fine." So he folded them into origami boats. She was tickled by that.

Our world is richer for having known them, and our world is infinitely poorer for having lost them too early. Rest in peace, dear ones, and know that your memories will live on in the hearts of those who knew you.

Loss

I didn't want to believe the news at first. Still don't, to be honest. But it's clear that it IS real, and it's time to put to words the tragedy that befell my friend Chris's family last week.

Last Thursday, a cowardly, disgusting excuse for a human being entered her house. He wasn't supposed to be there. Chris didn't want him there. She was divorcing him. She was moving on. And he couldn't stand that. So he entered her house when he KNEW their three children would be away.

He had a gun.

And he used it.

I don't know who died first. Was it Chris? Was it her oldest son, who was not biologically related to the jerk who took her life? Did she have to see her child killed in front of her? Or did he have to comprehend the murder of his mother before his own life was violently ripped from him?

I don't know.

The not knowing hurts.

All I know is that Chris was murdered, and her son Isaac was murdered. The sorry filth that called himself her husband took his own life a short while later. I'm sure he thought that was romantic - the whole "I won't live without you" aspect of his suicide. But it wasn't (and if you are reading this and disagree with that statement - go get help. Now. Because you need it).

It's clear from certain aspects and evidence that he planned this. He planned to take her life. This was not a spur-of-the-moment act of passion. He waited until his own biological children were out of the home. He fought to get his guns back from the police, and within 24 hours of acquiring them, his crime spree was done. A part of me is sure he waited as he did for the cops to show up in response to the shots....and when no one reported the shots (why? why didn't anyone call 911? I'm sure the sound carried) he took his own life.

As if this wasn't bad enough...as if the pain this family was going to have to suffer wasn't sharp enough...some cruel imp of circumstance made it so that their six year old daughter was the first one in the door. She was confronted with the results of this evil. That is something no child should have to face.

Evil exists, folks.

It visited Lansing, Michigan on the 5th of December.

The bright light of two lives were snuffed out.

It's not fair.

Yes, I know. "Life isn't fair." But nothing can convince me that this is how they were intended to leave this world. Their lives weren't just ended, they were stolen and destroyed.

This post is for mourning. Grieving. For anger and horror, confusion and tears. This is my attempt to excise the pain...to come to grips with this senseless outrage that no one should have to experience.

I will tell more about Chris, and her son Isaac, in a secondary post, which I cannot bring myself to write yet. But it will be about their lives, not their deaths. It will be a celebration of their impact on the lives of their family, their friends, and their community.

But I can't tell that part yet. Today is for sorrow.

But I will say this. If you are in an abusive situation, please, PLEASE leave. Just grab your children and go. I will open my home to you in whatever way I can. And I am not the only one who is willing to help you.

Please, just go.

Leave. Before he hurts you again.

Before he hurts your children.

Before he decides it would be "romantic" for you to leave this earth together.

Before your friends and family have to deal with the enormous, crushing sorrow that the people of Lansing are experiencing this week.

Don't hide your bruises anymore.

Get help.

Please.

Gratitude day #13

Today, more than anything else, I'm grateful to have food in the house. My husband had an appointment at a church that offers legal services yesterday, and they also have a very large food pantry. While we have food in the cupboard, it's not enough to make it past the weekend, and we agreed that he would visit the legal help department while I would wait in line at the food pantry section.

That is, until we got there. There was a sign at the door, and a man who was turning people away who had come for food. They didn't have enough to meet the demand. He offered me an emergency bag - a small grocery bag with eggs and a couple canned goods - but I turned him down, told him to give it to people who were worse off than I am.

As I sat in the waiting room with my husband, I watched people get turned away. Old people. Homeless people. Families with young children. One woman hung her head and walked away with the emergency bag while her child sobbed "I'm hungry, mama!" while holding her stomach.

So today I am grateful - so grateful - that we have food in the cupboard, and that it will last until payday even though it won't last much afterward. I'm thankful that I don't have to hear my children crying in hunger tonight.

And I'm wishing I could bring that young mother and her hungry child out of the cold and give them oatmeal for breakfast, and soup with bread for lunch, and the biggest pasta dinner I can manage for supper. Because hearing that little girl crying tore my heart.

Veterans Day

Today I am grateful to all the brave men and woman who fought to preserve the principles this country was founded on.

Gratitude day #8

Today I am grateful for books of all kinds. I first learned how to read simple words when I was three, and once I got formal reading lessons I started to devour any and all types of books.

Reading books that were too large and complex for my age almost ended up getting me suspended from school when a teacher challenge my right to read The Clan of the Cave Bear.

Books have always been a revelation to me. I'll read anything. I follow medical journals online, blogs, certain authors, particular subjects - you name it, I'll read it. I enjoy everything from light romance novels to political non-fiction diatribes. I've read through the Bible multiple times as well as the Koran and books on Wicca, Buddhism, and other faiths. I get giddy when I get my hands on anthropological studies and archeology periodicals. My husband actually made me swoon one time when he put ten credits on my Paperback Swap account (each credit can buy a book, so that was a lot of new books!).

To date, getting a book is still my number one favorite gift, followed closely by crafting supplies and kitchen gadgets (yes, I'm weird).

Some of the people I have to thank for my love of the written word: my mother (who used to read to me with her finger under each word as she said it, which allowed me to recognize the repetitive patterns which lead to me learning to read). My teachers. Some very memorable librarians. My husband, who enjoys reading as much as I do. Thanks, you guys. You totally rock.

Gratitude Day #6 and #7

Both yesterday and today I was (and am) grateful for medication. I have a lot of health issues that have been kicking up lately; most importantly my hip/back pain and depression. Medication helps control both of those problems. Due to regularly taking my meds (which, trust me, is not something I've ever been good at before), I'm now much more positive and active, and as a result have lost 17 pounds in the last two months.

Oddly, I'm hoping that being on the medications will bring me to a state where I don't have to take pills daily anymore. The pain will ease off with weight loss, and my mobility will increase. More activity will mean more serotonin in my brain, naturally, so I'll be able to go off antidepressants.